A Pinhole of Light by Eileen Stoecklin

Author:Eileen Stoecklin [Stoecklin, Eileen]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Published: 2010-03-27T04:30:00+00:00

August 20, 2007

"Forgive and forget." And of course the other saying, "I can forgive but never forget." That last one seems like such an oxymoron. If you can't forget something, how is that true forgiveness? I have met a lot of people who have held grudges and resentment for years. I used to think that they were being foolish because from my point of view, it seemed like such a simple thing to do; forgive, forget, and move on. That's until I came face to face with that very struggle. And oh how I struggled!

It almost seemed impossible for me to forgive my friend of twenty-three years for what she did to me. I would never in a trillion years think that May would come over to my house and steal six hundred dollars out of my purse while I was in the backyard hanging laundry.

I figured it out later on that day when I realized the money was missing. After looking through the house for it, I notice that her child support checks were missing—the checks she had delivered to my house so her current husband wouldn't get a hold of them. Only she would want them; only she could cash them.

After confronting her about it a few days later on the phone, she not only denied the whole thing but hung up on me after I asked her why she was not concerned about her missing checks. I never heard from her again and after that day I never got another check of hers in the mail.

I have been hurt before, have had my heart broken, and have had friends betray me, but never did I feel such hurt and betrayal than this. I was anguished; it hurt me on a level that I have never known before.

I remember May and me as little kids. We met when we were only seven years old. Over the years we visited each other, went out to lunch and dinner. We talked on the phone for hours about life, politics, religion, the economy, marriage, sex, kids, and more. She was there at my baby shower, and I was there when her heart was broken. She was there to see my new house every time I moved, and I was there when she got married. I also came to see her the day she came home from the hospital after having cancer removed from her ovaries.

We were friends. We were more than friends—we were like family. Or that's how I saw it. Then after she took the money, I went through it all. Anger, hurt, resentment, and worst of all I felt like a fool.

I even questioned and asked myself if I was being fooled into believing we were friends. Did she ever consider me a friend or was I fooling myself all those years? The difficulty that the lack of money caused my family and me was nothing compared to the crushing hurt I felt.

I don't' know why It took so long for me to even come to the point where I even wanted to let it go.

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